A Dirty Phone Call

  • Chris: I have a plan.
  • Me: What?
  • Chris: Meet me at Bentley's (a bar).
  • Me: It's not even 5 yet, Chris.
  • Chris: I know. We're gonna walk next door to Laredo and I'm gonna buy you dinner. Then we'll walk back to Bentley's for a drink.
  • Me: And I'll buy you a beer. Good plan.
  • Chris: No. I'm gonna buy your drink, too.
  • Me: What do you get out of this?
  • Chris: Ask me when we get home.
  • Me: You fucking pervert.

Late For Work Again


On the list of “sweetest things in the world”, you’d probably find ice cream… cake… fudge… maybe honey.

You’d also find a man.

It just so happens that this man is no stranger to me. He’s the man I go to sleep draped over and the man that wakes me up every morning with a gentle tug on my big toe and the words “wakey, wakey <private-pet-name>”. I share everything, including myself, with this man. We have the same address, the same deodorant, and the same pizza preference. We even share the same two-liter of Diet Coke on pizza night, drinking from the bottle together - so we have the same germs, too.

This morning he woke up early to drive across town so he could leave a surprise for May Day on someone’s door. It’s a weird tradition that I’d never heard of. Neither had the person he was surprising. He’s been planning the surprise all week and just yesterday expressed how excited he was that May Day was almost here.

I was up and getting ready for work when I got a text message:


When I came out of the bathroom, he was waiting at the table for me with two freshly baked bagels. I’m a whore for a bagel from this joint on the other side of the city, but I rarely get to have them because I’m perpetually running late for work in the mornings. I guess he stopped there on his way back from dropping off the surprise he got up early to deliver.

So, I was late for work this morning, too. Not because I couldn’t stop singing in the shower or because I couldn’t find a matching sock.

But because I sat down and had an asiago bagel with this man that I care for more than anything else in the world. This summer will mark five years of being madly in love with him, and he still manages to make me feel special like no one else can.

I hope your May Day turns out to be equally as special to you. Or, if you don’t do May Day, your Thursday.